Happy Valentine's Day To Me! - I Wish I Were A Wolf...

I had a pretty miserable day working and on top of it all of the pain in my back seems to just be getting worse. There is no break in the action and I'm working even harder than I ever have in my life. I'm burned out, bitter and sick of being ridden, shot down and made to feel just pretty fucking worthless. It's just astounding how many times in the last couple of months I've had to lock horns with people. Now I'm taking a huge backstep from where I was. I've worked years to get to where I was last year and now it's just gone and I'm eating shit to just keep from ending up in the street.
I'm thinking most of this back issue is due to an over load of stress. I can't sleep through the night without waking up in a panic about what the next day will bring. I wake up about half a dozen times a night and end up reaching for my kindle in the hope that the twisting turning old English dialogue of Charles Dickens will lull me back to sleep. I recently downloaded everything He's ever written so, it should last me awhile.


At present I'm involved with the story of "David Copperfield" and I can absolutely relate to his earlier life, poor, unwanted, abandoned confused and hopeless. I hope it all ends well for my sake...
As you can see I'm somewhat downtrodden, with the burden of a darkened soul...


BUT!...


I still got my girls! 


Today after a long day, I forced myself though the searing pain in my back and managed to run my doggies up to the park. I had so much fun with them and they with me. 

Someday I just would like to get away for a few days, just myself and the dogs and camp with them in the woods for a awhile. No talking, no humans and we'd just run and play. At night we'd howl at the moon and eat rare steaks around the fire. We would be a wonderful pack!

 Today is Gaga"s anniversary (my oldest dog). I bought her a little bow for her collar which she hated. As soon as I put it on her she just froze with that sad vacant P.O.W. look on her face that screamed "GET THAT OFF ME ASSHOLE"! She's such an Alpha girl. We call her the "Canon ball". She loves to throw her weight around and scares the crap out of even the big dogs at the park. It's hard to believe I've had her for 2 years. I'm more in love with her and her sisters everyday. At this point in my life I don't know what I'd do without her. She's my constant companion and I get some serious separation anxiety when she's not around me. I wish I had the capacity to love and care for people as much as I do with my pups. In the past few years I feel myself slipping more and more out of contact and and I'm losing connections with people. 


Too many of my interactions these days are of the negative hostile sort. It's giving me a very bad attitude about human beings and how mean, hostile and downright abusive society's become. In reality I think it's been like that all along but, I'm finally beginning to surrender to that fact and just ready to cut it off with people all together. The good ones are few and far between and then I realize I've never met an animal I didn't like. They're honest, easy to understand and so easy to connect with but best of all, absolutely non-judgmental. I need that now.


I don't know how long all this shit will last. I'm hoping things smooth out soon.
For now I'll just enjoy Valentines night sleeping with my dogs and reading my kindle every half hour waiting for tomorrows shit...