A Weekend Bursting With Adventure and Rememberance

My body is trashed! I bit off way more than I can possibly chew and loved it. Life can be so full and rewarding, and I feel lucky to be alive.


Not having had time to recover from the past week athletic debauchery, the old body was still twitching and it was time to go for seconds. Saturday I had planned on giving the running a break and do a nice bike jaunt to the beach to re-accommodate my legs to the pedals. After spending some time in the park chasing the dogs and thinking I might not get down to the Bridge anniversary activities in the evening I figured I would be kicking myself if I didn't do something to remember the occasion. It was probably a real mess with the celebrations going on all day so, I just decided to go it on foot and run to the bridge and back.


I'm so glad I did. I love living here and I love this overly iconic landmark!

I wanted to remember this day hence the "Dork Shot".

 When I think about it, I was witness to the 50th anniversary right after we moved to SF and in the blink of an eye it seems, now the 75th. If I'm still alive for the 100th I'll be 87! Now that's an accomplishment and I would hate to look back and know that I had skipped the 75th.

I decided to kill two birds with one stone seeing that Monday would be Memorial day so, I decided to take a run back though the Presidio cemetery to pay respect to the all the fallen war heroes. The run was beautiful albeit a mess of people. The weather was beautiful, couldn't have been better and I'm so glad I brought my good camera with me for some good shots. 


Coming back through the woods of the Presidio I finally came upon the cemetery.

 So haunting to see all those grave markers and before I started to get too gloomy I turned and began to run slowly away and thought to myself...I need to call my Dad when I get home. He's been through so much. A veteran of the South Pacific battles in World War II...He's been through Hell and along with losing his wife, oldest daughter, and recently his youngest son, it's been a tough but, full life. I love him and I just want him to know in the time that he has left in this world that I'm trying very hard to make him proud and remain on a true and steady course for which he has inspired me...
I love you Dad...
  
*************************************
After my run I came home and got ready, ate, then dragged Cathy up to the Russian Hill park to watch the magnificent but short fireworks display under over and through the Golden Gate Bridge.

Took this from "AP". I watched the show with binoculars.

I got home took 2 ZMA WITH THEANINE (Vitamin Shoppe) and hit the hay and blink it was Monday!
Memorial Day:

Today's plan was the first rendition of the NorCal bike club "Dualathalon". Actually I was planning on doing a fun ride, fun run and dinner afterwards.

Marco, Michael, Ron and Jack

We had to negotiate through quite a bit of sand on the Great Highway.

Marco, Ron, Jack and Michael showed up for the festivities. I hadn't seen Jack and Michael in a very long time.

It all ended up to be a "Hammerfest" Ride, slow fun walk/run/talk. My ass was so kicked from 50 miles of accumualated running and trying to keep up on the bike today, I had nothing left for the fun run.

Turnaround point beyond Aquatic Park.

RON RUNNING!!!!

I was so happy to get back to the apartment and just start shoveling down Cathy's huge spread for us. Spagetti basil, garlic bread, salad and coconut cake...! 

Ron enjoys the company of "Lady Gaga" my dog.

The  dogs really enjoyed the new company and got lot's of attention.
We had a great time talking and reminiscing about past rides and had fun with the dogs.

After the gang left with promises to do this again soon, I took a long power nap. I'm now hoping to get some sleep tonight.
Sometimes life can be so good...

I'll remember this.

Running With The Youngsters

Strava meets SF Marathon Fun Run

This week I've reached a landmark in this new found hobby. Three miles short of 5o miles for the week along with two runs in the midst of a whole lot of competitive young people. I'm feeling the pain but, for some reason I just want to keep going.


I received an email invitation form Strava for a "Fun Run" with the San Francisco Marathon coordinators. I RSVP'd and met up with them at the Strava offices at 901 Mission. Beautiful office with lots of busy people and a nice modern cutting edge atmosphere. I guess I'd say a "High Tech" vibe. 


One thing I've begun to notice:
Since taking up running at an older age and getting out in the social network with the younger generation, I'm getting a strange out of place feeling around young athletic types. I'm feeling old and I get the feeling, for them, me being there, it's a bit of a novelty. I could be reading too much into this...It's just a vibe I'm getting. In my head I'm still young, but I'm not! When I start talking and trying to blend in I feel sometimes I come off sounding like an old Douche-bag. I guess I need to watch that.

Top of Filbert and Montgomery

The second thing is that it's so obviously that these younger ones have amazing cardiovascular systems. I can really see the difference. I struggle to keep up and more and more of them are slipping away from me and I just slowly drop back. Then again I'm not doing too bad. Could be worse.


The Strava run was fast, energetic and I just hung on for dear life. I must run with people more often. I can see a significant improvement in my speed for the future. The "schwag" was magnificent! Lot's of health bars, gu's drinks, bottles and other fine stuff. In all I ran about 6 miles with the group and the rest on my own for a great mid-week run.





After spending sometime with the SF Marathon trainers, I was happy to learn that from what they were telling me, I'm pretty far ahead on my Marathon training. Next weekend I'm going to attempt a 4 hour run and see how I do. If I can still walk afterwards I'll be happy.


My run today was with the Fleetfeet group. Dan led the run and after a one block warm up we hit the Steiner hill climb in Pacific Heights...Yikes! We immediately dropped everyone and there were only 4 of us at the top. We then headed west to 17th Ave for the turnaround. On the way back I split off from the group and went on to my own long run through the Presidio, along the waterfront and home for a "Half-Marathon" distance. I was getting pretty sore and I hadn't recovered from my previous runs this week. I came home and tallied my weekly mileage and wow!

One more thing: Kudos to Brooks for their Pure Connect line of footwear.
I received a gift certificate to REI and promptly when down to the local outlet and purchased a pair of "Pure Flow" running shoes. The design is a bit different then my Raveena 3 and I think they're great. Much more mid foot strike. The design does a good job at moving the strike zone forward and less heal combines for a more natural running feel.

First Running Race In 45 Years

{Message on FaceBook} Hi Peter, Dean Karnazes commented on your photo. Dean Karnazes wrote: "I thought you were kidding when you said that, Wow, that's core! When you said running has changed your life you meant it. Never stop Peter..." {Morning Of The Bay To Breakers}  This is what I woke up to this morning on Facebook while I ate my breakfast and prepared for my first running competition since sometime around 1968 when I felt like such a loser coming in last place at my hometowns annual Fourth of July running event. I promised myself then, that I would never put myself through that again and I would never run...ever! Recap from previous blog: Dean is an amazing inspirational athlete. His accomplishments are of epic proportions. After reading his book "Ultra-Marathon Man" I was completely inspired to take up running and jump into it with both feet "literally"! In the last 5 months of training I've discovered more about my self then I ever thought I would. I feel driven, to push myself and found an amazing high in running that leaves me calm, happy and healthy. When I started dabbling in running it was mainly something I started to do as an alternative to cycling. I hated riding in inclement weather and wasn't particularly interested in riding in the city at night. Time has become a big factor in my workaday world. I needed something I could do in less time but with the same amount intensity and caloric burn. Running gave me a bit more upper body work and it's basically less cumbersome, time consuming and safer. I still ride as often as I can but, don't get the chances during the week. Running's like the new girlfriend...   .................................................................... Starting line I woke up early (5am), gulped the coffee, hoovered the Oatmeal and headed out to the starting line. When I got to the start, I tried to sneak into the "A coral". Since I had already signed up for the "B coral" 4 months ago I was stuck. I ended up with hundreds of runners ahead of me that I knew I'd have to get around down the road. The elite runners got the gun and were off and running. We had to wait a few minutes more and then the start. The first block was really slow as the mass picked up speed. After 3 blocks I hit the sidewalk which was a better flow. My heart rate was already heading into the red zone and the first 2 miles were a blur. I was concentrating so much on finding a hole to slip through past the slower runners, I couldn't really think of anything else. By Hayes street hill things jammed up quite a bit and on the second block someone ran up my back and went down. I didn't turn around and kept running. I saw the salmon coming down Hayes the opposite direction (how damn annoying)! I hate those idiots. (For those who don't know what I'm talking about, these characters dress as salmon and run the course backwards). After Hayes we took a quick left on Divisadero and right on Fell for the long strait-away to the park. At this point things opened up and I could finally settle into a groove. I may have backed off a bit too much hoping to save myself for the long stretch through the park. When we reached the park I just fixed my target on guys who looked around my age and running strong. I passed them as soon as I would see them ahead of me. Finally the downhill was in front of me and I just started letting myself free fall. It was then I felt the "whap, whap" of my shoe lace coming loose. I never have this problem but, of course on this important event.... I kept telling myself I should stop but, kept putting it off and now the other was coming loose. Just when I was making a crucial decision to stop...Whomp! I was down and sliding. I caught my foot in my loosened shoe lace. I went down hard and bloodied my arm and knee. I lost probably close to a minute tying my shoes and assessing my injuries. I got back in to the race and began to try and make up the lost time. On the last mile I was starting to struggle but still hanging in there. I met a woman named Lynn and for some reason struck up a conversation. We ran together and somehow managed to chat while both of us were in the red zone. On the final corner turning on to the last stretch to the finish I just sprinted with everything I had left! I yelled back to Lynn. "C'mon Lynn! Don't let a guy beat you"!  I forgot to shut off my Garmin for about 20 seconds after I crossed the line and the readout said 57:42. That being "moving  time". My official was 59:04. In reality my time was over 2 minutes better than last week so, I'm happy. I went over to the first aid tent, got work done, then grabbed my medal and began the long slow jog home. I went back along the race route watched the calamity in action. I thought on the way back of how much I enjoyed the day and that maybe running isn't that much safer than cycling... I had a great time and an amazing experience... I ran! Walking up Polk Gulch there was a full out Pub crawl going on. Between the Partying at the race and the Pub Crawls, they'll be a lot of sore and hungover people tomorrow.

Dean says..."RUN"!

I've just been praying for this week to be over with. Work has become such a drudge and with the possibility of  so much going on and things to enjoy in the City this weekend I'm just done dealing with the crap and I want to escape to freedom.
I did get out for a run Last night. Had planned for a very short easy run but, it was so beautiful along the Marina it just seemed a waste not to just go the whole way to the bridge. I ended up doing 10 miles and I'm still a bit worn out from last weekend so for the rest of the week and until race day I'm done running. I may go out for an easy spin on the bike Saturday morning but, I really need to lay low and  it's time to build up the glycogen stores for Sunday.
Tomorrow's the beginning of the B2B Expo and one of the first guests/speaker is the one and only Dean Karnazes! I'm definitely taking some time off and well deserved...I never take any time off from freaking work!


Let's jump to Today! 
Friday:
My plan was to get everything done early, take some time off of work and get my ass down to the B2B expo.
My goal was to see if this superhero "Dean Karnazes" was actually a reality or just a tall tale...


I got stuck performing an involved maintenance task and I was getting really frustrated that I may not be able to get to the expo on time. I finally wrapped it up and rushed down to my shop to pump up the tires on my Mission bike and get my lock and shoulder bag. I said goodbye to Cathy and took off down to City Hall Plaza.
I had visions of a huge crowd waiting to see the man and had trouble at first finding the Volkswagen booth where Dean was signing autographs. I caught sight of the booth and I was amazed at the 5 people waiting to have their runner bibs signed. I jumped in line and noticed that the people in front of me were moving along pretty quick. I hadn't gotten my bib number yet and I had nothing for him to sign!
At first I thought to have him sign my Dog Rescue shirt...Naaahhh!
Then it hit me!...sign my arm. Yeah that's the ticket. Then another thought hit me...tattoo the autograph! How nuts is that? BRILLIANT! Everyone knows I have a screw loose so shouldn't be a big surprise for anyone who knows me
Now there were two people ahead of me and I had to make a decision...

...Inspiration has been such an important tool in the direction my life has taken. I need a carrot on a stick, a target. I need competition. When I'm ahead of the game it just doesn't feel comfortable for me. I need to chase.

My mind and focus have changed so much since I made the commitment to run. This has been an epic part of my life and I need to remember these times and embrace them so that in the end I will have no regrets and know that I challenged myself and didn't just take the easy way through life. I want to be a winner and leave this life without any self loathing for not having taken a big bite of life...

As I stood in line I immediately took notice of the way Dean's interaction with people seemed so calm and friendly. They guy just exudes a very humble an caring demeanor. He seemed so small compared to the pictures and book covers I'd seen. He almost seemed meek. I then realized there really was something special about this guy and I felt like finding running, feeling drawn to this athletes life and accomplishments was purposeful in the direction my life is going. I want to be like this person. There's a lot to be learned from someone of his character. I think I would have to say is that most of all he seemed "balanced". He's brought it all together. Truth, beauty and goodness. Like a Buddha who has found the way. He inspires me.

My turn:

"Dean I'm a lifelong cyclist and just recently as this past January I have taken up running and read all your books, followed your blogs and videos. You truly have inspired me and I've been able to do things I've never dreamed of since taking up running." 

He just looked at me like no one had ever said something like this before.

"Thanks man"! he said.

"You look like a runner"! 

"Well" I said. "That's probably from all the cycling".

"Can you sign my arm"?

He tilted his head and said. "Really"!

I responded. "Absolutely, so I can tattoo your autograph"!

"Ha, ha...Really"?

"Do it". I said.

We then posed for pictures, some more small talk and I left and my head was swimming.

This guys for real, I thought.

I got my bib number and scrambled for the exit as I rolled up my sleeve tightly so as not to smudge the ink. I then got on my bike and headed up Polk street to see if any local tattoo shops were open. First I stopped at let it bleed and they were just opening the gates. They weren't ready for customers and said to come back later in the afternoon. I then went up two blocks to "In The Flesh" Tattoo shop. The artist had just had a cancel and was able to take me right away. As he set up I went to get something to drink and thought about what I was about to do. I put the negative thoughts out of my head and stayed true to my inspiration to do this. 

It's no piece of artwork but it makes up for it in meaning and a time in my life when I'm really happy to be on the road I'm traveling at this time in my life...

Life is beginning to split down the middle these days for me. Working life is time down the toilet and my aspirations are an elusive, enigmatic pursuit of which I never seem to have time. Isn't that the way it is for most of us though?
I must keep a positive attitude...keep my line.
Everytime I run and when I'm feeling like I can't go on I'll look down on my arm and Dean Karnazes telling me to "RUN"!...

The Exhilarating Feeling Of Progress

When I first got the crazy notion to start running last December, I was only taking on this adventure with a somewhat half-hearted ambitiousness. I did a whole lot of internal eye rolling regarding some of my initial goals. Of course I had to sign up for some running events so, obviously living in San Francisco the "Bay To Breakers" was the first to come to mind. Initially I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in myself and reading through some of the finishing times for the different age divisions, I gave myself a probable time of 1hr 15 mins to complete the course. My speed has in the meantime and especially in the last month increased considerably. This past weekend I decided to do my Bay To Breakers Recon or, dress rehearsal of sorts. 1 hour seemed at this point to be a possibility.


I'm enjoying the science of it all and with the many books I've read and the forums I've perused on the subject of running, there is a general consensus that consistency in training and preparation are of utmost importance.


I got up early and had organized everything I would need the night before. Cathy made me some homemade oatmeal and I added berries, banana and washed it down with some Peets coffee. I was actually a bit nervous. In the back of my mind I was very afraid of not hitting my time goal. That confidence thing or lack of...my worst enemy.
One of my worries was that I had gone for a pretty intense (although short) ride with a couple of pro cyclist's the previous day and kind of toasted my legs just a bit.
Due to my nervousness I elected to do a very easy jog to the start line.
When I arrived I set my Garmin, hit my timer and hit the street! Immediately I realized traffic and lights would be an issue. After two blocks I ran into a road block. It was a week before the race and already they were setting up for the race. I came to a stop, thinking I may have to detour around but, realized the side was although crowded with apparatus was still open so I continued with a bit of a slow down. Again two blocks later for some reason my Garmin lost it's connection and again I stopped about 2 minutes and then began moving. I was getting pretty aggravated at this point.
I then had to gauge my running speed to make sure and hit the green lights. Once I crossed Market and Van ness things moved a little smoother.


Hayes Street Hill: 
I backed off quite a bit on the second block of the climb. My heartrate was edging into the red zone. I also jumped to the side walk due to traffic and couldn't help but to stop behind a couple of tourists posing near the painted ladies on Alamo Square, I gave them a victory pose! They got a hoot out of it. I then hopped on to the Pan handle which is a bit winding so, that killed a little of my time.
Once I got to the park I finally was able to settle down to a steady pace. Between the park entrance and Stow lake was actually the toughest. That section is flat and your getting tired. The realization that you still have quite a ways to go is a little intimidating. I began wondering if I'd have enough kick left for the last few miles. Fortunately there were a lot of people training and I keyed on some younger guys who were a bit faster than me and attempted to keep up and let them set the pace for me. This will be the key for me. I need a target when I'm competing for the psychological boost. I was also getting pretty amped up and the adrenaline was starting to pump me up. By the time I started the down hill I was seriously kicking ass. I checked my time at the Polo fields and for the first time I realized that I may get under my estimated time. The last mile I was totally into the red zone but I felt great and I just hammered to the finish line dodging bikes and people. As I crossed the line at 7.46 miles my time was 58:50. One minute under my goal. I felt great and kind of proud of myself that my dedication and training had actually worked out. If there is one thing I'm desperately in need of these days is a nice big shot of confidence.


I now think I could go for 5 minutes off my time on race day, as long as I don't get trapped behind a sea of humanity.


I stopped for a Gatorade and downed a GU pak and jogged home happy with my accomplishment and excited to be back into competitive sports again. On my run home my spirits were high and I just thought back to the tough times in my life and somehow I was able to transcend them and not become completely destroyed over them. I've been very lucky and I'm grateful for that. I think I was born to run. I'm finding this out a little late in life but, that's OK. I'm having a lot of fun doing it...




My Strava readout is 7.5 miles and 1 hour. I guess there's a delay on the reading from when I shut off my Garmin.


 Here is my Strava report from my short but sweet ride with my friends on Saturday morning. These guys kicked my ass!

click for ride details

Cathy, Dogs and Life-Why Don't I Have Children?

Cathy, Beyonce (in her lap) Pete, Layla and Gaga

I had to post this picture. My first picture of my immediate family. Here I am and one of the few times I'm ever happy and loving being in the moment.


Cathy and I met in the Fall of 1976. I had just finished a relationship with a young woman who broke my heart so badly I decided that I never wanted to get involved in another serious relationship...
Yeah right!
On one fateful evening on a Saturday night in the town of Hull, Ma. Our band "Max Ferguson" was playing on a beachfront strip, in a club called the "Llamara Inn". Crappy little dive with hardly anyone there that night. Cathy was playing up the street at a club called "Caseys II" in a band named "New True Story". A cousin to one member of our band had taken a walk up the beach to have a listen to some of the bands playing in the other clubs. Around the end of the second set was playing and kind of just watching people coming in the door when she just walked right through the door and looked right up at me. I had the strangest feeling that I had met her somewhere...weird. She was incredibly easy to talk to and we just started laughing and talking and then everything just started to flow.
She called me a couple of weeks later came down to my house (I was still living with my parents) and she never left. My mom let her move in and by the following January had set the date.
At about the time we married, I had really begun to struggle with my alcoholism. At times it got very bad and I'm really amazed at this point that we stayed together. There were a lot of times when I would have just wanted to be by myself and she felt the same. We fought, we struggled and we loved. The strange thing about it all was I didn't really fall madly in love her at first. I guess it just felt right so we stuck together. As time passed I fell deeply in love with her. The longer we stayed together the more we became protective of each other and time just passed and we're still here.
Even though now we've become independent to some extent with our  personal goals and viewpoints I can never imagine us apart. When push comes to shove we have each others back and are completely loyal to our friendship.


Dealing with my alcoholism and horrible bouts of depression and mania, on top of chronic financial instability, I felt it best to not have kids. I really wanted to adopt during the 80's when I was going through a 20 year period of sobriety but, Cathy would not be convinced and I finally lost the urge to raise children.
With us constantly working and no expendable time we were never able to have a pet. I love animals and it has been something I really missed.
At about the time of the financial meltdown around 2007-2008, Cathy just didn't want to work anymore. I had started to spiral into a serious depression at about this time which required professional intervention. I had been obsessed with rescue dogs and hanging at the dog parks and walking through shelters. On Valentine's day of 2010 I abducted Cathy, grabbed a cab and walked through the door of the SPCA. The first dog I saw way across the room and through all the other dogs I spotted my little black "Lady Gaga" giving me her "Poker Face". I sat down, she ran to me and It was the same feeling I had when I first met Cathy. I knew we were in it for the long haul.

Soon after we began searching for a companion dog and soon came across our "Beyonce" in a very miraculous way.


A few months later we had and accident and in a moment of weakness I happened to be in the right place at the right time and we adopted yet a third dog, "Layla". She completed the pack and I feel it's all just perfect in our family.

I'm now officially "That Weird Dog Guy" and I'm happy as a clam. 
I'm a very lucky guy. Even though most of the times I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in this stage of my life. I sometimes need to step back to look at the big picture and realize how good I have it compared to so many others.
.................................................................


Running: Bay To Breakers on May 20th.
today's practice race was really below my expectations but, I think I'm not recovered completely since this weekends athletic debauchery!
This event has come up pretty quickly and I'm stretching it with my time prediction of sub-1 hour finish. I'll still try as hard as I can...
9.5 mile run-

Ascension To Dog...

It doesn't get much better than a day like today. I had the opportunity to ride with a great bunch of friends I haven't seen in awhile and brought along someone I recently met who has moved into the building I manage and is venturing from the running world into the world of cycling. This is perfect seeing that I've been getting my feet wet in the running universe so, our crossing paths was very timely. I'm learning a lot of information and passing on what I know from cycling experience back to him. Today was an excellent challenge for him, riding with seasoned cyclists on a beautiful day and hammering up the south side of Mt. Diablo. 
I had a Strava challenge that I felt obligated to take a stab at today. It entailed a section of climb that the Tour Of California riders will be powering over in the up coming race this month.
I felt like I did OK but, sure I could have done a bit better but, I held back seeing that I would still have to complete the 2nd half of the mountain and didn't want to absolutely waste myself in the first half.




below are full ride stats:

 
 It looks like up in the top 25% at this point and just riding with 1 gear and not my road bike I'll take it! The whole gang PR'd!

from Left-Ron Marco/Ruth Ramon/Lucy

Eric

Ron at the "Wall"

 Marco Ruth topping the "Wall"

Marco and Ruth

Today was such a great escape and I felt like for the first time in a while actually got away from work and the day to day bull crap for a change.
Afterwards we were all pretty beat up and I was happy that my friend Eric had driven and I wouldn't have to take the train back to S.F.
We got back and Cathy's Cinco De Mayo party was just starting. It was basically a Dog Party with lot's of Carnitas and chihuahua's abound. My friend Sheryl brought along her cool little guy "Puppy". My girls are just gaga over him...or should I say Gaga is gaga over him...

Walter (the Dog) has been our long term guest this week and loving it. 


I think a lot about how much I love dogs...especially my dogs. We've become so close and they just add the sparkle in my life that I had been missing for so long. It's like I've found God-Dog. I just worship them for their love, innocence and honesty. Virtues that are hard to find in this day and age.
I found this beautiful video and song and it just really kind of captured how I'm feeling right now. I'm ascending out of a lot of problems and issues I've been dealing with and these little animals have helped me through it all. Today I can truthfully say I found some happiness and found myself enjoying the day. I hope the trend continues...

To Snort...Or To Mainline My Drug Of Choice?

Life has been changing so fast and peeling off in different directions that it's just dizzying and hard to retain focus and keep an eye on the pie.

Work...arrgghh! I'm keeping it out of this blog. It's too soul sapping but, it almost pays the bills... 


When I started my running hobby on a whim a big part of me thought it would never last. Four months down the road it's getting serious now and I'm rethinking my strategy and now I feel pretty invested in this adventure. The train has left the station and there's no turning back.
I've been reading yet more running books and in his book "50 50 by Dean Karnazes" Dean makes a the point that running is not fun! It's more of a process or a "Flow" "-a state of absorption in a challenging activity" that makes you feel good". Some call it "The Zone".
I used to have this with music but, the time restrictions and the resources necessary for creating and improving became insurmountable. Plus the end result was most times a bit underwhelming and not improving my health or my finances. I began to hate playing the guitar and I was just frustrated so, I'm done with it. No "Flow"!


Running is like going from snorting to mainlining the endorphin's. I get up there really fast and stay higher longer! Riding my bike can be the same way but I just don't get lost in it like I do with running. Where cycling is in part mechanization, running is naked and primal. I think it's causing me to grow hair on my back...
Don't get me wrong, I love cycling and it will always be my "thing", but running is my present muse and I'm soaking it in, enjoying it while it's hot and going with the "flow"...


Dialing in the diet:
I think it's true; the harder you exercise the more you naturally gravitate towards a better diet. Last year when I started cycling less and less I started moving towards a more comfort food oriented diet. Probably craving that high I got from biking. Now I just don't crave that crap at all. I even gave up bread, chips, sweets and now I seem to be less interested in coffee. I'm thinking my system is just becoming more in tune and easily effected by variations in diet. Having a green smoothie brings me the same joy and satisfaction as a chocolate shake would have. Who would have ever thought!...

Tomorrow is a run day, Saturday a bike day. This shit keeps me going as I struggle through a torturous day at work. I do get to see my doggies periodically during the day and they always make me feel better.
.....................................
With all this forward dynamic there's still the undertow of sadness that is just beneath the surface still, yet I've not been able to come to grips with. I miss my brother. I just have this empty, hollow lost feeling. I feel a bit alone when the thoughts of him roll into my head. Somehow I still feel he's in a better place and not having to struggle now. I also have a lot of things in my heart of which we shared and I know of the suffering he endured with certain characters in life that will never get resolved and I know that they may not be fully aware of how he was hurt by them. They are now a burden on my soul and it makes me sad...It it is not my place to seek resolution on these matters. He's handed me the ball and I need to carry it across the goal line for him. Cryptic as it sound but, he would understand...