Friday, June 1, 2012

Something Unresolved...

Aids Life Cycle 2009-All the Fixed gear riders, me included. An amazing event.

I just needed to get this out and writing it down is sometimes therapeutic for the heart and soul. I won't dwell on it too much here and will limit what I'm really feeling inside and what I have to say. The rest of the blog I'll just let the pictures speak. By Sunday I'll have a happier blog on some of the past and this weekends events.

AidsLifeCycle 11 is kicking off this weekend (BTW I've volunteered on Orientation Day and Volunteers still needed)! I couldn't afford or take the time off this year to take part.
The two times I've ridden were just absolutely amazing experiences ALC 7 and ALC 8.

                           ALC Link

The best part of the rides though were finally getting to LA and having my brother there to meet me. He would be so impressed and proud. I loved that. The last time I did it on a fixed gear bike just to step it up a notch! We would hang out for the evening even though I was completely blown out and it would just be a blast. Reflecting on this led me to rehash all the feelings and emotions I had already experienced two months ago but even more intense now...

Without going into the detail in what turned out to be the final gut punch that sent me spiraling into a bottomless pit of grief. I can state the combining elements that finally beat me into submission over the last two days.
It's now been two months since the passing of my my younger brother who was maybe one of my closest friends and my most trusted confidant. In the last month I've been pushing away the thoughts and the  retracing of our lives along with trying not to contemplate the true feelings forcing their way into the forefront of my conscientiousness. Something remains acceptance, a coming to terms and understanding cannot be found...and it's been eating at me and breaking me down.

Myself, Hugh and Wife Karen In LA for his son Hugie's memorial
I just had one of those day's where I can't get him out of my mind. I still have things I need to tell him and I'm still reaching for the phone to call. Like flipping the light switch when the power is out. 

I had had a horrible week at work. I'll spare you the detail...
Chris, Aaron and Hugh at memorial

I just don't know if I can get by it.

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