To Snort...Or To Mainline My Drug Of Choice?

Life has been changing so fast and peeling off in different directions that it's just dizzying and hard to retain focus and keep an eye on the pie.

Work...arrgghh! I'm keeping it out of this blog. It's too soul sapping but, it almost pays the bills... 


When I started my running hobby on a whim a big part of me thought it would never last. Four months down the road it's getting serious now and I'm rethinking my strategy and now I feel pretty invested in this adventure. The train has left the station and there's no turning back.
I've been reading yet more running books and in his book "50 50 by Dean Karnazes" Dean makes a the point that running is not fun! It's more of a process or a "Flow" "-a state of absorption in a challenging activity" that makes you feel good". Some call it "The Zone".
I used to have this with music but, the time restrictions and the resources necessary for creating and improving became insurmountable. Plus the end result was most times a bit underwhelming and not improving my health or my finances. I began to hate playing the guitar and I was just frustrated so, I'm done with it. No "Flow"!


Running is like going from snorting to mainlining the endorphin's. I get up there really fast and stay higher longer! Riding my bike can be the same way but I just don't get lost in it like I do with running. Where cycling is in part mechanization, running is naked and primal. I think it's causing me to grow hair on my back...
Don't get me wrong, I love cycling and it will always be my "thing", but running is my present muse and I'm soaking it in, enjoying it while it's hot and going with the "flow"...


Dialing in the diet:
I think it's true; the harder you exercise the more you naturally gravitate towards a better diet. Last year when I started cycling less and less I started moving towards a more comfort food oriented diet. Probably craving that high I got from biking. Now I just don't crave that crap at all. I even gave up bread, chips, sweets and now I seem to be less interested in coffee. I'm thinking my system is just becoming more in tune and easily effected by variations in diet. Having a green smoothie brings me the same joy and satisfaction as a chocolate shake would have. Who would have ever thought!...

Tomorrow is a run day, Saturday a bike day. This shit keeps me going as I struggle through a torturous day at work. I do get to see my doggies periodically during the day and they always make me feel better.
.....................................
With all this forward dynamic there's still the undertow of sadness that is just beneath the surface still, yet I've not been able to come to grips with. I miss my brother. I just have this empty, hollow lost feeling. I feel a bit alone when the thoughts of him roll into my head. Somehow I still feel he's in a better place and not having to struggle now. I also have a lot of things in my heart of which we shared and I know of the suffering he endured with certain characters in life that will never get resolved and I know that they may not be fully aware of how he was hurt by them. They are now a burden on my soul and it makes me sad...It it is not my place to seek resolution on these matters. He's handed me the ball and I need to carry it across the goal line for him. Cryptic as it sound but, he would understand...