There's a story behind this photo...I could relate the picture to my situation. It's kind of the way I feel right now. I've written a huge blog about what's been going on in my life lately, but I just can't get myself to publish it, so I'll just say this.
I'm not upset with anyone of my friends or family, it's just that I'm having a serious problem with being around anyone right now. There's a lot of reasons and a story behind it, but it's too painful to put out there and a real downer, so I just don't want to burden anyone with such negativity. I'm not dying or anything, it's just a fucking head trip I'm dealing with.
I've lost interest in EVERYTHING!
I mainly just want to stay in bed with a pillow over my head and never come out again. I can barely get through the day, I hate my situation, my job and my life. I've stopped playing music, photography and I can hardly get myself on my bike. I do the same twenty miles about four or five times a week without deviation, I just put my head down and force myself through it. I have absolutely no interest in being around people and when I see someone I know I put my head down and just go the other way because I'm too beaten to even talk. It's really fucked up. This has been an on going struggle, but lately it's become the only thing I know.
Hopefully sometime I'll shake it, but at this point I'm just stuck like the guy in the photo trying to fly. Everyone watching this kite full of air but he's not going anywhere...
So there it is. That's why I can't seem to Blog.
I’m Back…
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My hands are tied right now. My company is so down and out that I can't even
get any work done.
6 months ago
Posts
6 comments:
My first reaction is speechlessness.
My second reaction is to hug you.
My third reaction is to offer stock, Zen Cheerleader (TM my daughter) phrases to show a different perspective. That said, I know you're in deep, it ain't pretty, and it won't last forever, even when it seems that it will.
Take good care of yourself, ride and breathe, and when we call to ride with you, you better say yes.
{{{{Pete}}}}
Hang in there, Pete. I can't imagine all the struggles you are going through, and the mind games that are going in your head, but you'll pull out of it. Keep going on those short 20 milers .. it's probably the only thing that is keeping you sane.
Was in your neck of the woods Sunday. Ramon took us through the likes of Divisadero and Dalewood. Blog to come later.
Take care, buddy.
Aww, Pete, man. Take your time and survive.
Think back to some good times, when we were riding to Nicasio or Pt. Reyes and know that it will be that way again.
You're lucky; when you're ready, you've got a fan club waiting on you!
Pete,
You are such a treasure, truly a very special person.
I owe so much of who I am as a cyclist to your enthusiasm and playful side showing me what a great, fun sport this can be.
I will never forget you hanging around Davis until 10:30 with my family to see me finish my first Double.
It hurts to hear that you're in pain.
Clinical depression is a serious thing brother. Please get some help.
I don't wave this flag much, but I am a believer. My prayers will be with you.
"Lance"
Pete,
Wishing you the best. You were very nice to a noob on one of his first group rides & I appreciate it. thanks
I can't add anything else that hasn't been said by everyone before me, but we're all here for you Pete.
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