Interrogation

I went for my interrog...I mean interview today for a new old job. I had the rug pulled out from under my feet last week when the property I manage went into recievership by the bank and a new management company was put in charge of the building. Long story short I'm having to do the whole application/interview process for a job I've done for the last eight years. It's pretty scary when I think that everything right now is hinging on this job. If it doesn't work out I'm kind of sunk, with just about zero put away in the bank. I spent everything I had to move from the last building 3 months ago and finance what I needed to come up with for the Aids Lifecycle to Los Angeles. I haven't been able to recoup my losses due to the fact that I've had to take yet a third pay cut in 2 years.

Well, besides the point it was a very stressfull day today. I've become very nervous about my life and the situation I've found myself in all of a sudden. I don't trust anyone I work for anymore. I'm impossibly burned out from working, so it's just a strange spot to be in at this point of my life. I'm not sure even if I get the job that I can handle it. The amount of self doubt I feel is immense. I know somehow I'll get through it, but I'm not looking forward to it. I would love to be retiring somewhere on a little island away from everything. On the postitive side I do feel healthy right now aside from feeling somewhat easily exhausted most of the time. Maybe I'm riding too much, or not enough.

This morning I got up pretty early to ride. I'm just loving riding in the morning. Today I changed my gearing on my fixed gear bike. I went from 46X19 to a 46X16 and set it in to the freewheel. I kind of was missing zooming down hills. In the fixed position I had just gotten a little sick of having to peddle downhill. I got to open up my SE Bike for the first time since I bought it. It just handles beautifully and I really got to feel what a steel bike is all about. Smooth as silk. I'll probably leave it on the freewheel for awhile. I know it's not cool, but I'm old...I can't be a hipster forever.